God is not pretentious...that's us...He just wants to be our friend, and for us to come and talk to Him like we do our best friends. He wants us to tell Him our thoughts, dreams, hearts desires, pains, plans and the like...even though He already knows. He's just so...everything wonderful...when you get to know Him. -jj thames.
The poem below is one that I wrote in 2009, and genuinely was the beginning of my relationship with God...When I learned to let go of the formality, and just told the truth. Best thing I've ever done...enjoy!
Hey God, It's me...for real this time.
By jj thames.
Hey God, it me...for real this time.
Don't strike me down, I'm puttin it all on the line.
Shoot straight from the hip, all liquor no chaser.
No pretense, no formulas, no strainers, no shakers.
I feel bamboozled, led astray, put aside...
These people who say they know you,
their checklists I've tried.
I'm starting to see, starting to believe that
they are all jacked up and janky just like me
and that's fine, I don't care...but i'm sayin...what now?
I'ma pawn shop away from a suicidal pow-wow
Thought I was seeing, now I see that I'm still blind.
Hey God, It's me...for real this time.
I don’t wanna be a liar and say that my desire is pure…
I want what I want, when I want it…
and one things for sure
Guilt over your way is cramping my style..
Gave the devil an inch and he took a country mile...
How do I cope?
I don't wanna go to hell...
so tell me what to do...
how do I find and follow your will?
When my own will is kicking and screaming and cussing me out,
dragging me to bars, pouring bourbon in my mouth
telling me you're real, but you're turning a deaf ear to my pleas.
Its all my fault, I'm not good enough, not pure enough to believe.
You couldn’t, you wouldn't have left me here by myself
my daddy used to tell me that you yanked him from the depths of hell
so why not me, don't I deserve fire insurance
can't I be free, can't I have a blessed assurance
what do you need, a prayer, a tithe, an offering, a shout of praise
I don't really understand what Jesus did on that cross enough to sing amazing grace
you know what I mean, like feelin it all deep down in my soul
to where I can pick em up and put em down, like them Holy rollers roll...
I wanna dance like David danced, like a subliminal acid trip full of joy, all for you
but I refuse, to do what I see other folks do...fake the funk, winning Oscars in pews.
Traditions, rituals, rites and 7 steps to this and that. I can't take it no more, you gotta be more than
that.
Maybe if I read my Bible more?
Prayed more?
Was saved more...
reached in my pocket and gave more
followed the rules and lay prostrate and was slain more.
Maybe if I said no to alcohol, drugs and sex
pushed my plate back, fasted and sang in clubs less.
Maybe if my baby was from marriage and not a bastard
would that have kept him here.
Would that have qualified my prayers to reach your ears.
Maybe if I lied less, was consistent with what I confess, cared about chastity more
but I don't understand, I thought Jesus loved the whores.
And I ain't perfect, hell...neither is nobody else.
Don't you have a rule about helping those who help themselves?
When do I get a sliver of happiness
I work my fingers to the bone...
I'm a pretty good mother, and I don't aim to hurt no one.
Yet I seem to live somewhere between muddy yellow and blackish blue…
That’s why I wanna sing the blues…
Maybe in singing the blues I can sing about you…
Will that make money,
Does it matter….
If that's my purpose
I mean, for real
I've got this burning in my chest, and
It feels like cardiac arrest,
Or at least how I think it would feel…
I can't take this no more, I'm at the end of myself.
Don't like who I've become, but I don't wanna be nobody else...
bills. Bills. Bills. Bills. Bills are due.
It seems like everytime I speak to you
Other thoughts less important fill my mind…
Please free my mind…
hey God, its me...for real this time.
I would die for You 'cause It seems like the right thing to do.
you died for me 'cause you loved me but my apathy won't let me love You...
I've tried to force the sold out, slogan T-shirt, rubber bracelet, awe-struck love to come
but it eludes me, I feel so evil, so unworthy, so lost. so crazy. so hopeless. so dumb.
I raise my hands, and feel nothing.
I sing a song of worship with no tears.
I try my hardest to invoke your Presence
I go thru the motions, still empty. your voice I long, I ache, I pray to hear.
So why try, you're God...but maybe I'm cursed.
Maybe I just can't reach you, or maybe its worse...
maybe You don't exist, and its all an eternal joke
maybe my ex was right, believing in you is a big hoax, a false hope.
my heart whispers You know that's not so...
so to your throne again I go...
there's something there for me...please have mercy on my soul.
In my heart just be. I can't do this on my own.
Hey God, its me...for real this time.
Don't strike me down, I'm puttin it all on the line.
I wanna be where you are..
help me to fall desperately amazingly in love with you...
help me to truly live and to finally know the truth.
To be righteous in your sight
Please give me a clean heart and renew my mind
Help me be real with you no matter what, at all times
I'm giving you all I got, all I am, right now, tonight.
All I need is a glimmer of your presence
A sliver of your light.
Cigarette in hand, bourbon in a glass, lover man on the way...
If I have to be perfect today, I tell you right now, I don't have what it takes...
Show me that you're real. Show me that you care.
Perfection I've tried, its obvious I've failed.
You've seen the tears I've cried, I just want to be whole.
Jesus I need you...
Please, save my soul...
I know I've said those words before...
but never like this.
From my heart. My whole being. From my tip toes. To every inch
of my mind. My synapses, neurons, DNA and space between its lines...
Hey God, its me...for real this time.
#tellthetruthshamethedevil #realtalk #newbook2016 #youaintgottalietokickit #hewantsyoutotalktohim #fromthedepthsofyourheart #realrecognizesreal #freedom #ilovemylife #ilovemyGod #happygirljj #thekeytomypeace #thekeytomysuccess #dontchawannaknowHim #Hesthebest
Comments
Post a Comment