Beauty For Ashes

One of the worst experiences one can have is...being manipulated, deliberately mistreated and outright used by someone you love. It's a deep mental and emotional hurt which can psychosomatically become a physical pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The smile that you see is one that has taken much prayer and crying out to God to produce. Many days all I wanted to do was draw the curtains, roll up in a ball...and wish to die...or for Jesus to break the sky...which ever would come first. I would stay in my "prayer closet" hidden away from everybody and everything until I could press into God's Presence and get the peace, joy, strength, love, and hope that I needed just to walk out of the door and face the day...everyday.

Depression, weariness and heaviness attempted to drown me, and was always close by if I so decided to grant it an audience...despite all of the great friends that I have...and those who love me, and are always praying for me...I felt so alone. Rejected...Abandoned...unloved...unwanted...broken...thrown away...

Yet...I fought to love, to turn the other cheek...to give despite being taken from...to pray without ceasing...to hope...to believe the best even when the worst was all that I got in return...to forgive...(over and over and over again)...ultimately to be a good Christian...until it was finally clear that the journey was over...despite my best efforts and prayers for a miracle. God said "No."

In this season of my life...I'm feeling a whole lot of things that are coming to the surface that I didn't even realize was there. Anger, rage, bitterness, resentment...Although the feelings are merited...they aren't healthy, unless processed and released.

I REFUSE to be a bitter, angry, resentful, untrusting, damaged, guarded, jaded, cynical woman. My test- again, as everything else in my life...will become my testimony...and my mess...my message.

I was handed lemons...and tried to make lemonade, not realizing that the lemons were rotten. No matter how much you try to sprinkle sugar on feces...it's still feces. Once I finally saw that I had become a proud owner of a beautiful crystal pitcher full of well..."used" toilet water...I realized that I had been bamboozled...and I was mad...As hell.

But, I deceived myself into denial...thinking that I was "aye okay"...I wasnt. Convincing myself that my tumble down the hill of my dreams didn't hurt... it did. And I was peturbed. Wracked with seething anger that was slowly working it's way into my heart, and morphing into dark hatred. I was in danger.

It took a person who loves me...and that is full of godly wisdom to say..." hey sweetheart, yes...The situation sucks. You've endured things that no one ever should have to...you were done wrong...but...you have to reject that bitterness and anger, take it to the cross, leave it there...and allow God to heal your wounds- or it will destroy you.God will fight your battles. He will avenge you, and prepare a table for you before your enemies. He will repay you for your tears, restore what was lost, give you double for your trouble and beauty for ashes. Get in His Presence...seek Him will all your heart...Give the injustice, and all the hurt from it to Him...He loves you, He wants to kiss your boo boo and make it alright. He always takes care of His own."

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not the only one who has been betrayed, thrown thrown to the side, abused, taken for granted, or hoodwinked. We all have our hurdles to jump over. Please don't look at my smiling pictures with envy in your heart. I have hurts too...and I work at it daily to embrace God's joy. Although I am not completely out of the storm...it's a day by day, moment by moment process...Its a daily decision to FORGIVE...even when I dont wanna. I encourage you to do the same.

I make myself go to the throne room (sometimes it hurts so badly that I cant walk...and must crawl)But, it's only in God's Presence, I am content. It is only because of His promises that I find joy, peace...and rest. I trust and rely on Him. Those who I love may fail me...but He never will. I trust Him, his love for me...and the plan that He has for my life. I don't understand this doozy...but, I know that He has a good plan for me...and it is all working together for my good. No matter what people may have planned to harm me. I am safe in His arms.

The smile is real...The joy is real...The peace...is real...but, please don't ever think that it's not work to have it. We labor to enter His rest...and to stay in it. And He promises to handle the rest...Let Him have it...your destruction is not worth it. Let. It. GO! Put your eyes on Him...rely on Him and His promises. nothing else matters. HE will give you peace despite the storm. HE WILL GIVE YOU REST. (Hebrews 4) ‪#‎tellyouwhatiknow‬‪#‎goditrustyou‬ ‪#‎workinprogress‬ ‪#‎itsokaytofeel‬ ‪#‎dontletthefeelingsruleyou‬‪#‎takeittothecross‬ ‪#‎beautyforashes‬
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