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You Can Be A Loser If You So Choose...Just Leave Me Alone.


"Busted cocoons...
you already know how to fly, butterfly...
open your wings wide...
Busted cocoons...
fly high on the wind...
don't let a dirt man 
convince you to ever crawl again...
Busted cocoons."
- Jj Thames


I REALLY WISH people would stop defending and protecting mediocrity. IT'S NOT SOMETHING GOOD TO DEFEND! It amazes me that many times I post positive things on social media or say things from the stage, or just in day to day life...and people are up in arms because I encourage people to become their best selves...to follow their dreams, and refuse to settle for less. I find it really interesting that people would much rather protect their right to be mediocre and not live up to their potential; rather than figure out how to live big...and truly enjoy life! What are you afraid of? And why are you getting mad at me for daring to believe that you and everyone else can be ANYTHING that you are willing to set your mind to...this includes being mediocre, should you so choose.

And please tell me why you are upset because your world view is not one that I want as part of my personal physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, social or financial life and space? The way that I live my life does not affect the way that you live yours in any way, shape, or form. Having access to me (as it should be for your life as well) comes from you living like me... (i.e thinking, dreaming, living big...having an appetite for life- wanting everything that it has to offer, and growing to be the most happy, complete and satiated person that you can become before leaving this earth. The deepest desire being abundantly blessed to continue to be a blessing long after you are gone.)

EVERYTHING that I do and say in every facet of my life typically is going to be tied to the following subjects:
  1. Positive Thinking 
  2. Dream Chasing and Seeking Genuine Happiness & Fulfillment (Not dictated by circumstances) 
  3. Identifying and Living Out Your Individualized Purpose
  4. Living Authentically (Living Your Truth No Matter What) 
  5. Emotional, Mental, Physical, Financial, and  Spiritual Health
  6. Embracing, Developing, and Growing a Transparent and Loving Relationship with God
  7. Persevering Through and Overcoming Hard Times
  8. Overall Personal Growth 
  9. Healthy Relationships and Boundaries
  10. Living Your Very Best Life! (Exhausting All of Your God-Given Potential)  
I'm going to touch on each of these subjects in detail in the upcoming days (before the end of December to get ready for the New Year)...as I think it's time to start a new series...It just came to me, and I don't even have a name for it yet...but, I'll be working on that. In the meantime...let me break it down so that it can officially and forever be broke as to why I am even addressing this. Come talk and walk with me. ..


The above bullet-pointed list is me in a nutshell. My whole passionate, naked personality in 10 points. I can't help it...it courses through my veins, I live it...I breathe it...These are the things that define me...wake me up in the morning...keep me up late at night, bring tears to my eyes or make me angry either when someone tries to deny me one of these things...or when I see someone else denying themselves or being denied one of this things.- it pisses me off to the utmost degree. (One of the ways that you can identify your calling in life is identifying what makes you angry and what makes you cry.- you're welcome...that one's free.)

 I'm a singer and a writer...yes...but, my TRUE gifting and calling is to encourage people to live out their wildest dreams; To embrace, love, and reveal their true selves unapologetically; To love a loving God and to let Him bless them, use them and the talents he has given them, and take them to a place of greatness and wholeness...in short, I am deeply fulfilled by encouraging people to live their VERY BEST LIFE every single day! However, if this is not  your mantra...we cannot be friends. I love you, but, I won't be spending a whole lot of time with you. We really don't have much to talk about.

"I am fulfilled by encouraging people to live their VERY BEST LIFE every single day!" 

Now listen, I am NOT here to judge and critique you or your individual lifestyle in any kind of capacity. I don't know your life! Do you boo boo! Puhleese DO YOU! I just choose to live MY life out loud, and if you are inspired by it...so be it! I can't encourage you to do something that I am not first willing to do myself! That would make me a hypocrite...and that is one thing that you will NOT be able to fix your mouth and call me. What you see, is truly what you get with me...I will willingly share with you every true perspective of my journey. I will tell you if I have negative feelings or emotions about something. I will tell you if I screwed up or was wrong about something along the way...I'll even tell you if my intentions weren't pure or if I had an agenda...If I did it...I own it! Don't nobody have to tell it...I'MA tell it first! You don't have to wonder...I'll tell you.

 Living my truth out loud has become my peace. There is nothing more freeing than unapologetically being yourself. I tell MY story, and share what motivates and inspires ME! I share what has and has not worked for ME! I share what I PERSONALLY have overcome, and what I am working towards mastering on MY OWN journey. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about how you feel about my said journey...that's why it's MY journey and not yours. I am only responsible for me...so get your butt off of your shoulders, and stop taking yourself so seriously...you don't like what I say? Fine! Don't do what I say!! It WILL NOT keep me up at night, and you will be alright! But don't try to convince me to accept and co-sign on your choice to be mediocre...I ain't gone do it! (sorry...not sorry)


I have many favorite quotes, but one by Eckhart Tolle really speaks to me about taking responsibility for your own existence...while many define taking responsibility for your life as taking "ownership" of your destiny, controlling your sphere of influence, trying to fix all of your problems by working harder/smarter, making the best decisions by having a plan "A", "B", "C", and using your (finite) logic and knowledge, and treading carefully, crossing T's an dotting I's- lest you make a mistake, etc....that is not what I am talking about in the least bit. Matter-of-fact...that's just flat foot exhausting!! All of those things only serve one's ego, and help them to delude themselves into thinking that they are really in control of their life.

Life...no matter how hard we try to make it...is not that neat, clean, and simple...Life is messy, dream chasing is even messier...and trying to tie it up in a nice little categorized, alphabetized, color-coded bow is just not going to happen- ask anyone who is truly successful in life, they'll tell you.

"How do you know that you don't love money? When you have no problem with giving it away"

And while we are talking about success...success is NOT relative...stop saying that! Success by definition is a person who achieves desired aims or prosperity. Prosperity is not just money. (although there is NOTHING wrong with having money, everything in this life takes money to finance it, EVEN TAKING CARE OF THE LESS FORTUNATE AND STARVING CHILDREN IN 3RD WORLD COUNTRIES...your facebook profile frame, hashtag, and phantom prayer that you never actually prayed for said country do not feed people...people with money and the decency to share it are who feed, clothe, and house people. Money is a necessary tool...LOVING it is where we have an issue. How do you know that you don't love money? When you have no problem with giving it away. )...

Prosperity is a whole life concept. It means being happy and fulfilled in life, lacking nothing. It includes your legacy learning how to replicate what you did, and actually WANT to because they watched you achieve peace, provision, happiness, and rest in your life. You found your Zen place...



If you are honest with yourself...EVERYBODY wants to be in a place where they have relational happiness, physical, mental and emotional health, peace of mind, and financial independence and security-go ahead and lie and say it ain't so. If it ain't, stop striving for promotions and raises, quit your job, give away everything that you own, stop playing the lottery and investing, stop getting mad about healthcare, taxes, politics, and the economy, and go live on the street...no? that's asinine? that's what I thought! That holier than thou, all I need is my family BS is for the birds. Sounds good to you...but, it's settling for less than what you can REALLY have in this life. Authenticity starts with being HONEST with yourself and your desires for your life. Denying that you desire something because you are afraid that you might not get it...doesn't make the desire go away.

"The more that you learn about life; 
the more that you will learn 
that you know nothing at all..."

I know that it may seem like I think that I just have it ALL figured out...LOL! Horse cocky! I don't know everything...but, I know what I'VE lived and learned...and like I said what is working for me. You will NEVER know and understand everything...Matter of fact, the more that you learn about life and our earthly existence (or even beyond) the more that you will learn that you know nothing at all...so where does that leave us? Sounds bleak, doesn't it? Well...it's not. Stay with me...I digressed.

What I mean by taking responsibility for your life is acknowledging that life isn't fair...things have happened that hurt you...some your fault, some out of your control...and realizing that if you can't get a grip on it (or even if you think that you have)...you might need to get some help to sort out your thoughts and emotions...



To me, taking responsibility for your life is actually seemingly oxymoronic...It means simply realizing that you DO NOT have all of the answers, that you really DO NOT control anything, that you CANNOT fix everything, that you DID NOT create yourself, therefore you DO NOT have the manufacturer's manual memorized. It doesn't mean that you put more pressure on yourself...but that you "Let go and let God" by putting your life back into the hands of the Creator, and walking out HIS plan for it. (When you figure out how to make a copy of yourself by first creating and then speaking to dust, and it comes alive...then we can argue.)

 His plan is perfect...and you really tap into this plan by living authentically (being honest at all costs with yourself AND him) and thinking what you are thinking about (choosing to think on the positive...afterall, as a man thinks...so is he!)...talking to God (this would also be called praying- it's really just a conversation...doesn't have to be all formal) even if it's to tell Him that you aren't very sure that He exists...(trust me, He will make Himself real to you- nobody has to do anything to prove anything to you...He will do it Himself- just be honest, and watch the amazing things that begin to happen.), listening, following that small still (peaceful) voice on the inside that helps you to make GOOD DECISIONS that truly determine the trajectory of your life (whether it be up or down) If you listen...it will always be up! .

There are only 3 choices when dealing with adversity and making decisions...Most times, we are in a place of turmoil and frustration because a promotion in life is coming...it's to get your attention. (i.e. you hate your job, so you start to look for a new one, and then you happen to see online while cruising job sites that you can get a grant and scholarship to go back to school full time (also being awarded life experience credits) to do what you've REALLY wanted to do all along- you wouldn't have been looking for a solution if there were never a problem, right? THAT'S how God often works.


  Ekhart says:

"Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options; remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of these three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences."


I totally agree with Mr. Tolle, whatever you decide to do...go all in...dont be wishy-washy or double-minded (a double-minded person is unstable in all of their ways) however...I add one step before making those decisions...and that is to pray about it and wait for peace to come and guide you. Ask for wisdom concerning what you should do...I wouldn't expect a voice to speak to you audibly...(I mean, let's be honest- would you stay in the room if you did? Tell the truth, shame the devil)

This voice it's more of an inner voice that sounds like your own conscience...but, there is a "knowing" and not a confusion that usually comes with your own conscience reasoning out something...There's peace that comes when you are making a decision- even if the option that you are to choose seems like it makes no logical sense- That peace will not lead you wrong. If it is to abandon ship, work on a change or accepting it as it is...that peace will guide you. You are not capable of creating your own peace. It comes from a place that is beyond our understanding. And if you follow it, whatever the consequences are...you will have everything that you need to face them. (good or bad) You may not see the whole staircase, but you will have enough light for the step that you are on. Trust the peace! You have become responsible for your life by consulting your Creator and allowing Him to help you make the best decision for YOUR circumstances. It's the most "responsible" thing that you could do.

"You may not see the whole staircase, 
but you will have enough light 
for the step that you are on. 
Trust the peace! "

If you are offended by anything that I write...first, I ask you to ask yourself, why? Did it hit too close to home? Did it make you feel like you were taking a shower with your socks on? Did it feel like I've been peepin' in your window and am telling your secrets? Well...maybe you need to take some steps to figure that out...maybe there are some changes that YOU need to make in YOUR life. I'm not saying you have to do it MY way...but, if you are unhappy with your existence- that is NOT my fault...me speaking on any of the subjects that I do is not aimed at you personally (please believe me...I don't know any of you well enough for it to be a personal jab or passive aggressive post. Honey, I am not spending hours updating my blog to talk about you and your personal life. That kind of behavior is truly beneath me, and I ain't goin'.



Just FYI- if I don't speak to you on the regular via text or phone, or you don't have my personal phone number...I don't know you well enough to have a problem with you. However, the people that are in my inner circle know that if there is an issue...  I call them and meet them face-to-face and speak frankly, and directly with them about my issue until we can get an understanding...you know, it's part of that whole 'Authentic Living' thing that I am always spouting off about ...

The bottom line is...if you are unhappy about ANYTHING in YOUR life...PLEASE work on either removing yourself from the situation, changing the situation...or accepting it fully. Preferably, you will also let go, and let God have His way in the midst of it. 

By the way, accepting something means that you have found a way to have peace with it and that it REALLY doesn't bother you anymore...not that you are in DENIAL about it...but, genuinely...have a peace in your soul concerning it. You have an understanding and a revelation of whatever you are dealing with. And in turn, should stop BITCHING about it all the time. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks...If you realize that you are fussing and complaining about something all the time (even muttering under your breath) You ARE NOT over it! Get to prayin' and DO something about it! 

I can hear ya'll now with my wonder woman ears..." what if the thing that you have going on is being unhappy with a marriage...or that I have some kind of incurable disease or condition? You are being insensitive to the circumstances of others, JJ- your solution does not speak to every problem!"......Whooo child...shutup!


The solution DOES fit...you know how I know, go ahead...guess. I'll wait. 
...
...
...
...
Because I have BEEN there! I have experienced those two seemingly impossible situations myself. Oh, you want details? I'm glad you asked. First and the foremost...NO situation is too hard for God. However, God is not a genie...you WILL NOT always get YOUR way...however, HIS way always turns out best, and FOR your best...even if you cannot see it at the time. He is a good, loving God...and does not seek to punish you, hurt you, "teach you a lesson", keep any good thing from you, starve you, break you, or any other negative connotation that you have about Him and His intentions towards you.

"NO situation is too hard for God. 
However, God is not a genie...
you WILL NOT always get YOUR way"

Okay, so...I was married...it was a horrible marriage...lots of cheating, lying, dysfunctional marital roles, history of abuse (which had not been addressed and bled over into our marriage)...lack of respect...all kinds of craziness...and guess what...I applied the rule and actually did ALL THREE...one...I tried to accept it- but, I couldn't. I couldn't live my life like that forever (I had started to have dreams and fantasies about killing my husband)...so accepting wasn't going to happen...so I tried to change it ( I really swung between trying to accept and trying to change for a long time)...I tried to change him and when I realized that wouldn't work...I tried to change me so that he would love me more and want to change himself...and when that didn't work...I finally started praying and found a peace...I started working on changing my viewpoint of myself, and learned how to love me...and once I figured that out...I was able to remove myself from the situation and divorce was clearly imminent...While my feelings were hurt..I had a genuine resting peace about the decision. I prayed for God to save my marriage...but, that wasn't in the Plan...looking back at it, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. 


Must I go on? oh yes...the "incurable condition" so...yeah- I have Asperger's (A high functioning form of social autism- in a nutshell) It's caused me all kind of hell throughout my life...and once I was finally diagnosed...I had to go through some changes. You can read about my diagnosis  journey HERE. Well...I couldn't change it...My brain is wired, developed, and functions differently from everyone else's...there's nothing I can do about that, so that was out. I could have removed myself from the situation and either stayed in denial about it (not my style and wouldn't have stopped it from being so or affecting my everyday life) or I could've killed myself...I thought about it...but, I've come too far and have overcome too much to tap out now...life can kiss my ass...I am going to win this thing! So... that permanent decision was not the answer to my temporary circumstance.


"We have a purpose for being here for the few years that we are..."

Why do I say temporary? Because once life on Earth is over...I believe that there is another better life afterward...but, we have a purpose for being here for the few years that we are...I want to fulfill that purpose...You can't do that being dead...you can't come back from being permanently dead in this life...so...suicide was not an option...I had to learn how to accept it. It took me a minute...and I was even angry at God at first...I couldn't understand why He allowed me to be this way...But, now I have fully embraced being an Aspie. I am not ashamed of it...I look at my differences as being my superpowers, I have so many special gifts and talents that I am not sure I would possess if I wasn't on the spectrum, and I actively aim to educate others about what being an Aspie means, and tolerance. What I thought was a curse...turned out to be a blessing for me...Once I understood how and why i'm different, I realized how special that God made me, I learned to love and accept myself and my truth even more, and now...I get to encourage and uplift other people who are on the Autism Spectrum as well.


Those three choices fit in any situation...Remove yourself, Change it, or Accept it. There are no more options. Pray and pick one! Sitting still and accepting mediocrity as life, and talking yourself out of your dreams and desires because you are afraid that the "good life" might not be meant for you, that you might fail, or that you can't figure out how to make it happen so you wont even worry about it...is truly whats ascenine! Those dreams and desires have been placed on the inside of you as seeds...it is up to you to give them back to the Creator so that He can grow them in your life, and you can live heaven on Earth everyday that you wake up...asking yourself "Do I really get to live this life everyday??" If I can...so can you, and everyone else!

Look, know that I love you...I only want the best for you...and want to see you not only strive but THRIVE in life. I want to see you happy, free...and to be able to pass that on to our future generations. See, happiness, peaceful living, dream chasing, accepting one's self, healthy living with healthy boundaries, and creating wealth...is learned behavior! We can not teach what we have not yet learned!

"You cannot be friends with someone 
who wants your life."

If this is not the lifestyle that you seek, I can't spend a whole lot of time with you, and you certainly will never be a part of my inner circle. I can feel collective mouths dropping...I do not aim to offend....merely to be honest. Successful people want and need to surround themselves with other successful people. Iron sharpens iron...Oprah Winfrey once said that "You cannot be friends with someone who wants your life." In short, anyone that you affiliate yourself with should be like-minded and have the same values and trajectory as you- otherwise you are setting yourself up for disappointment (for me...it was a friend setting me up to be robbed at gunpoint.) I'm not saying that it would necessarily be that drastic...however, I also cannot say that it wouldn't possibly be worse. Remember THIS guy?



I used to think that my mother was a total be-yotch because she refused to associate herself with certain people. I used to think it was about money or status...because it seemed that all the people that she affiliated with were like us...well to do. But, as I grew up and went through therapy...I realized that no...she wasn't stuck up and judgy like I thought she was...she just knew who she was and where she was going, and that some people who didn't share the same values, vision, or veracity simply were not fit to be a part of her journey.


Majority of the people that she affiliated herself with were successful at that juncture...but had not always been...many of them built lives, careers and businesses from nothing...When you took inventory of their character--they were movers, shakers, positive people, respected contributing members to their communities and society as a whole. They were people of substance who didn't accept circumstances and situations that were beneath their ability to soar. They refused to crawl when they could fly, and anyone that tried to sell them short...they removed themselves from. My parents and their friends surrounded themselves with greatness...because greatness was all that they would accept in their lives. 

I am a big fan of old adages...they become adages (or popular wise sayings) because they have been deemed as proven true over the ages. Birds of a feather flock together is profound...I mean, when have you looked up and seen a Parrot flying next to a Dove, Pigeon, Buzzard, and an Eagle? Creating formations and flying to the South for the winter or whatever...YOU HAVEN'T and if you say that you have you are a liar, and the truth is not in you....I need a picture and a video!



The whole idea of the phrase, while it is true in nature...is that it is also true in human nature...If you are always hanging with people who see no real vision for their lives, flitter from one meaningless toxic relationship to another, never invest in their own personal growth, spend countless hours drinking at bars and clubbing but no time enriching their souls (mind, will, and emotions), spirits or bodies...how long do you think that it will take you hanging around them all the time that you find yourself doing some if not ALL of the same things?

It's just like if you have a friend who's a professional sex worker-- let's say a prostitute. And she's standing on the corner, and you stand on the corner with her every day...you can't be mad if a John propositions you for a good time, and asks you your prices...We are known by our associations. You can get mad at me all you want to...call it slut-shaming or whatever (I won't even get started on that)...but, you know in your heart it's true. Continuously surround yourself with people who choose to be losers...you too will eventually be a loser as well, my friend.



Even Snoop Dogg (One of the most respected and long-lasting rappers in the hip-hop culture) has spoken out about having to leave behind some people that weren' on his level, or trying to do anything positive in their lives. He says, "As you grow...you lose certain homies, because it's called closing the gap...you grow and they don't...how do you close the gap? you have to come back down- when you come back down, you lose...you have to keep going up." Watch the video with him and $ASAP Rocky below. 


                                       


Here Oprah talks about removing negative people from her life...She says, "You cannot continue to move forward in your life, to the level, and level, and level you need to be if you are surrounded by energy that brings you down...that sucks the life force from you. So not only are you responsible for the energy that you bring...you're also responsible for the energy you surround yourself with."


This is not a new concept....successful people befriend and surround themselves with successful people that have the same worldview, character traits, and big vision here are a few although there are COUNTLESS others:
  1. Jesus was surrounded by the 12 apostles (and other believers that understood and supported his vision...well minus Judas.) 
  2. Henry Ford, Thomas Edison were very close friends and neighbors until their death
  3. Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry are close friends and business partners. 
  4. Oprah Winfrey and Maya Angelou
  5. President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden have a bromance envied by many.
  6. Will Smith and Tom Cruise
  7. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Joseph Haydyn
  8. Mark Twain and Nikola Tesla 
  9. Albert Einstein and Kurt Godel
  10. Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett

Now let me say...if you CHOOSE to lose in life...(be a loser)...live less than your best life...living in fear, anger, unforgiveness, regret, confusion, misery, contempt, hatred, insecurity, hopelessness, poverty...or any other negative circumstance or state of being that exists...making excuses and CHOOSING to blame everybody else for your shortcomings...THAT IS YOUR PEROGATIVE! I just can't have you in MY inner circle.You have the total right to chose to live less than your best life...Don't make any excuses for it! Once you become an adult...the choice is yours. I won't argue with your choice to be broke, busted, and disgusted. If you CHOOSE to be less than great...that's your choice...but DONT try to argue for mediocrity or GET MAD when someone like myself (and others like me who are pushing to be their GREATEST self- hungry for ALL that God has written in the stars for us to be) don't want to associate with you, and choose instead to affiliate with one another. We want to soar. We WILL soar. You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with, be sure to choose wisely. 

When you know better...you do better. Once you stop being a caterpillar and become a butterfly..you can't stand to crawl anymore. And to be able to hang out with a butterfly...you have to be one, and know how to fly. You got your wings yet? 

"Walk with the wise and become wise; 
associate with fools and get in trouble."
- Proverbs 13:20

#DontBeWritingMeNoAngryEmails #ISaidIfYouWantToloseInLifeGoAhead #NoYoureRightICalledThatBeingALoser #ButIfYouWinYoureAWinnerRight #ImJustSaying #CallItWhatItIs #WeNeedToStopBeingSoSensitive #SensitivityIsStoppinPeopleFromTellingTheTruth #ITellYouTheTruthCuzILoveYou #StopSettlingForLess #YouWantBetterDoBetterBeBetter #ExcusesAreNothingMoreThanAReasonToFail #IDidntCallYouAFailure #EverybodyFailsOnTheWayToGreatness #YouHaveToTryToFail #StopWorshippingMediocrity #ItAintCute #YouCanHateMeNow #ButImStillGoingToLoveYouAndTellYouTheTruth #LiveBig 


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