"Everybody's story...ain't your story.
So stop tryna fit into their fairytale template.
Do you...
God's plan for your life requires you...doing you.
And you allowing Him to do Him, through you.
Let Him be the lead in your story...
It'll be one rockin ride!"
-jj thames.
Flashback to 2009. I was 27 years old, a new mother (3 month little boy, Israel Angel)...In a new state (New York City)...and in a new position (full time minster) ...surprised? well...I sure was.
I had dropped out of ministerial school, ran away from the church, from everyone that I ever knew, from my past, from all of my hurts (mainly the death of my 2 year old son)...and high tailed it as far away from Mississippi as I could go at the time. I was supposed to be in New York to pursue my music career...God had other plans.
During this season of exile...I spent HOURS upon HOURS locked away studying and meditating on the word of God, worshiping, and spending time in God's Presence...I had mentors that taught me, prayed with and for me...and help guide me through what I now know was a healing process. I was surrounded with a very special group of characters that were misfits just like me...Gothics, Skaters, Rockers, Mess-ups,Hurting hearts, Stumblers, Fallers, Crash and burners, Hard headed rebels...who all loved Jesus, and like me, needed, and relished His unmerited favor and grace.
Even though I had been ordained a minister, I was searching and solidifying what I TRULY believed. Unlearning and replacing some erroneous teachings that I was previously taught. I was becoming completely rooted and grounded in my faith in the grace and goodness of Jesus Christ-Grasping God's love for me, and what Jesus actually did up on that cross. I was being delivered from a lifetime of hurts, disappointments, grudges, scars, wounds, and soul ties. I was being made over again. God had me tucked away in a little corner of Bed-stuy, Brooklyn, New York...where He was tearing me apart, and making me beautiful...inside, out...
This may not be the traditional way that others found themselves in the position of ministry...but, it was right where I was supposed to be. God knew what it would take to keep me dedicated, and focused long enough to do a major work in me. He was stripping me of all that I had become (broken, carnal, calloused, stoic, and full of pride) and beginning me on the journey to who I have become today. I didn't go into ministry all perky, washed, cleaned up, and pretty. I was rough around the edges, opinionated, head strong, and quirky. I wasn't as tactful as I am today, and had a way of throwing looks that could seriously kill somebody...or at least deeply injure their ego. I didn't know all the ritual programs, or hymns...I was raw, and uncut...Like Peter...(I had to clean up my mouth like him too)...or like David...I fell many times, but was always quick to get up, and run to the throne of grace.
I have sweet and bitter memories of this time...I was learning so much, and so fast...This was also the time that God gave me the vision of my life that I am walking out even to this very day (The records, and books, and everything else I have going on.) I experienced some hurts, and some frustrations during this time as well. But, the most important thing was that I met, and fell in love with my beautiful Savior, King of Creation, Son of God and Son of Man, the Bright and Morning Star, God's Beloved Son, and my Precious Atonement...Jesus.
God no longer was a big angry entity in the sky, out to get me every time I did something wrong. He wasn't a looming figure keeping tracks of my wrongs, only erasing them when I took time to say sorry. He no longer was an untraceable, unpredictable, unknowable God. He had become my Best Friend, the Lover of My Soul, My Husband, My Rock and My Salvation. I still had a long way to go, and am still always pressing toward that mark...but, one thing I know to be true is that NOTHING can separate me from His love. It doesn't matter what I do, where I go, how badly I fall, or who saw me...I am STILL the righteousness in Christ Jesus...and all things are STILL working together for my good...I'm not, but He is able!
God has a plan unique to you. Never allow anyone to tell you that "your journey" is the wrong one. The Holy Spirit will lead you to and through places that you would have never thought you'd go, and many times it won't look like anybody else's story...but, I guarantee you this...It'll be a good one, and it will give you hope in your final outcome, I am a living witness that God will turn a mess into a message...Everything may not make sense right now...But His gifts and Callings are without repentance (They don't just go away, like I thought they would) You may only have enough light for the step you're on...that's more than enough...trust Him...He's a good, good Father...He loves you, Infinitely so! Just keep going. In the end...you win. #TellYouWhatIKnow #CalledandSeperatedForHisUse #IWoreACollar #YesLikeAPriestCollar #IWonderWhoHasAPictureOfTHAT #IWasAHandfull #IDontKnowHowMyPastorDidIt #BrokenPeopleWanted #GodPutsUsTogetherHowHeWantsUs #BrokenSpiritContriteHeartArePreciousToGod #MaliMusicWasMyDudeDuringThatTime #NeverWouldaMadeIt #HeSavesToTheUtmost #IfHeCanSaveMeHeCertainlyCanSaveYou #INeededSomeSeriousSaving #SnatchedMeFromTheGraspsofHell #OhButGOD #WontHeDoIt #WontHeWill
"For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says
the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not
for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."
the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not
for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome."
Jeremiah 29:11
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