Tell You What I Know

I have been writing for 7 hours straight...it doesn't even seem that long. I am amazed at how this book is seamlessly coming together. It's like I'm not even thinking as I'm writing...like it's just pouring out from the innermost places of my heart.

Sometimes, I have to stop, and read back over what I wrote a few times, because I was in almost a trance like state as I pushed the keys on my laptop. I just KNOW that I'm going to read back gibberish...but, it's not...it's exactly what I meant to say...‪#‎craziness‬.

This story is hard to tell...it often has me feeling some kind of way...it's my truth in its rawest form...and I feel so naked. But, I can't bare to make it any other way. Any other way would be an injustice. Its the truth that is gonna help somebody.

I didn't erase anything...i left the 19 chapters as they were...and after falling sleeping last night feeling defeated, and concerned...I woke up this am, with an idea and a plan. Watching it unfold is like watching a miracle. I'm about to be a published author!!! My 5th grade teacher spoke it into my life over 20 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday...she looked me in the eyes and said "you're going to write a best selling book one day!" I hope to God that she's still alive so that I can deliver a copy to her.‪#‎anotherdreamcomingtrue‬ ‪#‎dontgiveup‬ ‪#‎persistencepaysoff‬‪#‎tellyouwhatiknow‬ ‪#‎yourgiftwillmakeroomforyou‬ ‪#‎happygirljj‬‪#‎everydaysanadventure‬ ‪#‎ilovemylife‬

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JJ's YEAR OF DESTINY DAY 5- Divorce is of the Devil...

"You don't know how "one" you've really become- until you're ripped apart. Divorce is of the devil... I wish it on no one...ever." -jj thames. Not in the mood to face the world today. so I won't. my bed is my solace... listening to my new record, tightening up arrangements, listening for more possibilities- soothes my angst. this divorce stuff irks my soul... one or two days- I barely think about it. next day...I feel like I've been hit by a bullet train at maximum speed- and just want to lay in my darkened bedroom and look at the ceiling. No tmusic, no TV...just me...my bed...and the ceiling. Sleep usually eventually welcomes me. But, then there's the dreams- and waking again to the pain. I feel like a part of me has died. It's a strange kind of pain... its a numbing abiding pain...like an irritating itch deep in your soul that you really have no kind of way to scratch. You just have to talk about it, and su...

JJ's YEAR OF DESTINY- DAY 2- Moment By Moment

"Live one moment at a time... sometimes a day is still just too long" -jj thames. Today is the day that I took a step back, and said... "Whoa...Lord...do you know how long a year is?? That's...365 days!! 8,760 hours!! That's...that's...525,600 minutes!! 31,536,000 seconds!! and a bazillion, gagillion, moments!! Oh Lawd! What have I done??" I began to feel myself get light headed as I fanned myself, and instantly spiraled into loneliness, and despair...and kicked myself for making the lofty commitment. (Really felt like punching myself in the face) "Fix it Jesus!" is what I whispered maybe 8 or 9 times under my breath- but nothing changed. I had wrote it down, told my accountability partners...and made the promise to God. I'm stuck, and felt like throwing an all out 2-year-old-I'ma-embarrass-my-mama-in-the-store-fall-down-on-the-floor-knockin-stuff-offa-shelves-everybody-looking-at-her-like-you-need-to-whoop-your-ch...

Jj's Year of Coming of Age: Day 178- Spillin' Tea- Cussin Mad...And Tryin' To Forgive...

"I used to think that the worst thing in life to end up alone. It's not... The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. " -Robin Williams Pictured above...2013...My son Israel and I in our new home after 31/2 years of on again, off again homelessness. We were pretty stoked. Right now is truly one of the best times of my life...go figure. FINALLY...after all of the hurting, pain. suffering...sacrificing, fighting, surviving... darkness, confusion, fear...shame, depression, and loneliness...My dreams...my vision of what my life was always supposed to be, even as a little girl- is materializing and indubitably coming to pass. And while I should be over the moon- flipping cartwheels, not caring if the world sees my panty drawers, and skipping around singing the smurf song...happy as a pig in fresh poo...I'm not... Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful...beyond grateful...honored...humbled, and not taki...

jj thames...naked.

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