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JJ's YEAR OF DESTINY- DAY 2- Moment By Moment




"Live one moment at a time...
sometimes a day is still just too long" 
-jj thames.
Today is the day that I took a step back, and said... "Whoa...Lord...do you know how long a year is?? That's...365 days!! 8,760 hours!! That's...that's...525,600 minutes!! 31,536,000 seconds!! and a bazillion, gagillion, moments!! Oh Lawd! What have I done??" I began to feel myself get light headed as I fanned myself, and instantly spiraled into loneliness, and despair...and kicked myself for making the lofty commitment. (Really felt like punching myself in the face) "Fix it Jesus!" is what I whispered maybe 8 or 9 times under my breath- but nothing changed. I had wrote it down, told my accountability partners...and made the promise to God. I'm stuck, and felt like throwing an all out 2-year-old-I'ma-embarrass-my-mama-in-the-store-fall-down-on-the-floor-knockin-stuff-offa-shelves-everybody-looking-at-her-like-you-need-to-whoop-your-child-TODAY-temper-tantrum.
I almost felt like I could sense the Creator of the Universe's amusement. (I don't know about you, but I feel that God laughs at me all the time. Not in a menacing way...but, lets just say- He knows His child...and I'm a whole entire mess when I wanna be.) In my gung-ho "come to Jesus" meeting a couple of days ago...I decided that I have tried my way (in many different versions)...over, and over, and over and over again...shrug* it always turns out as a bust. so...I'm ready to completely sell all the way out. Give myself away, so He can use me...and hopefully at some juncture- I'll get to be Mrs. "somebody" again. Now here I am, fully committed on day 2...and I almost had a panic attack.
What commitment??? I can hear the collective mind asking...I don't want to say...because then, I am further responsible and accountable to my word.
But, I must say...for that very reason. I won't make it, if I don't. Know thyself, and to thineself...be true. If I don't live it out loud...It won't be lived. Trust me on that one.
I have committed to being:
Single, dateless, and celibate for the next year.
FOCUSING ON:
1.) My spiritual growth- Deepening my relationship and complete dependency on God- operating in RADICAL obedience,and trusting God for EVERYTHING!
2.) My healing (mentally and emotionally)...Going through and coming out of the death of a marriage...happy, healthy and whole. Giving myself permission to hurt, grieve and heal.
3.) My children...they are only young once...My family...love them, appreciate them, spend time with them while they are here.
3.) Becoming completely and totally financially INDEPENDENT. Not just solvent...but, going from stability to complete affluent wealth...abundance- being runover with blessings and actively and consistently blessing others. owing NO MAN anything but to love him. It's not enough just to have enough for me and mine...but, to be able to sow RADICAL seeds into peoples lives, and their dreams.
4.) My career...Its my season to go to a new dynamic level. (I CANT WAIT for ya'll to hear this record!) Grammy's, BILLBOARD (higher than number 4 on the blues chart, and have another (or two or three) number 1 single (s)), a million hits plus on a music video, full blown international tours, mainstream media coverage, Jimmy Kimmell, Jimmy Fallon...etc.
5.) Finish one of my THREE books...and release it.
6.) Finish rehabbing my house...and own 6 more by this time next year.
7.) Lose the rest of the weight I want to lose...I'm 50 lbs. down...got some more I want GONE! Not just to "look" a certain way...(which I do want to do that too.) but, I don't want to attain all of my goals, and cant enjoy it, because I am sick. I will live a long healthy life.
8.) My friendships, and church family...No man's an island. My friends keep me grounded and centered. No matter how "big time" or "Hollywood" I become...they always keep me connected, (I have a tendency to isolate) balanced, prayed up, focused, and uplifted.
Sex, and romantic relationships don't fit anywhere in all that I have to do, and am working to do and become in the next 12 months. We really cannot give out of an empty vessel. We must be filled first, and I am going to allow God to do just that by giving Him my all. I am nervous (I always am in a relationship- I think they call it serial monogamy- no men for A WHOLE YEAR??? sheesh!)?...kinda peturbed (I know its what I'm supposed to be doing...but, I cant help but to ask, why it gotta take ALL this? I think He's laughing again)...and all out EXCITED about this journey (I can see the end result...a beautiful, confident, healthy, wealthy, happy and whole woman that will be able to freely give to others- It's totally worth it!). I invite you to come along with me...I have a feeling that it's gonna be an interesting ride. Biting nails* (not really. smile emoticon ) well here we go...

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