The Promised Land is so grand- full of dynamic purpose, hope and destiny. Unfortunately, some people just can't go...no matter how badly you want them to...they don't want it badly enough for themselves. They willingly close their eyes to the vision of freedom and prosperity. They'd rather continue grumbling, complaining, and wandering in the desert. Don't fight their right to be mediocre. Keep marching forward. Take hold of your amazing future! -jj thames.
This time last year, I was saying my vows, and looking deep into my new husband's eyes...promising to love, cherish and honor him for the rest of my life. We slow danced, ate cake,had an amazing gourmet brunch- maybe a couple too many mimosas, and retired to our beautiful suite at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis. My heart was full of joy and hope for the future. This year, Instead of laying on the white sandy beach in the Bahamas soaking in the sunshine and beautiful cerulean water, like we were supposed to be at this very moment...(cancelled trip- at least I got my deposit back.) I am waking to an empty bed...divorce papers...and...a heart... still full of joy, and hope for tomorrow...how can this be? How am I so happy?
I think I was afraid of this day...that somehow it would be a painful reminder of my failed marriage. That I would sink into the abyss of memories, and the questions of "how and why".... That the Facebook Timehop thingy would throw me into a tizzy, assaulting me with photos and sappy posts of a new bride...I thought I would be forced to hide from the sunlight, head under the covers, crying and snotting into wadded up Kleenex, and in a deep funk listening to Sade on repeat all day...But, that's not the case. Nowhere near it...
I'm actually okay...like REALLY okay. Like my pretty little eyes are dry, I've got my held high, I don't feel nothin', I'm GOOD,son!! kinda way. I woke holding my heart,(Lookin like Fred Sanford- "Elizabeth, honey...I'm comin!) nervous that it was going to be a traitor and turn state's evidence on me as soon as I peeked through slits at the sunlight today...I lay still, waiting for the waves of hurt and anguish to hit me, and pull me under...I waited...and waited...i sat up...opened my eyes all the way...nothing. sigh of relief* smile*
I went in the bathroom...looked in the mirror...looked myself in the eye...said my affirmations:
The Spirit of the Lord is within me:
To heal my broken heart.
To preach the gospel to myself.
To proclaim freedom to myself.
To open my blind eyes.
To set me free from oppression.
and To resolve once and for all that I am loved and accepted COMPLETELY by God.
The Spirit of the Lord is within me:
To heal my broken heart.
To preach the gospel to myself.
To proclaim freedom to myself.
To open my blind eyes.
To set me free from oppression.
and To resolve once and for all that I am loved and accepted COMPLETELY by God.
I licked the tip of my finger...straightened my eyebrow...pulled my shoulders back, stood a little taller...felt a little bigger on the inside...smiled my biggest smile at myself...did my diva model pose...blew a kiss...and congratulated myself on taking this day on LIKE A BOSS!! Today is gonna be an AMAZING day!
The year is almost over, (THANK GOD!) and I sat and thought about some things last night...You can say that I came to some conclusions about me, my life, my self worth, people, my ex husband, snakes in the grass, and my future. My thoughts were as follows:
1. Just because HE didn't love me, doesn't make me unlovable.
2. Just because HE didn't see the value in me, doesn't make me without value.
3. Just because HE didn't find me beautiful, doesn't make me ugly.
4. Just because I forgive someone, doesn't mean that I have to like them, or allow them access to me.
5. If it hisses like a snake, moves like a snake, is cold like a snake...its a frikkin snake! I will never again try to convince myself that its a bunny, that's confused into thinking that its a snake! or even worse, that I can change a snake into a bunny...
6. I will always follow my spirit, my intuition, and hunches about people...I don't owe trust to anyone.
7. No one else has to value or believe in my dreams, goals, aspirations, visions, music, writing, or business ventures but me...either you get on the bus, or get out of the way...and you'll see the finished product with everyone else. (everybody wants to be a part of the success story...but, not part of the journey to it.)
8. If I don't like the way you treat me...you wont get a chance to do it again. I don't owe you an explanation either. Turning the other cheek does not mean that I have to stand there, and allow you to abuse me. Its okay to simply walk away.
9. To love you...doesn't mean that I love myself any less. And, I am not required to hurt myself to help you. I will help my brother carry his burden, should I feel led to...but, I will not allow your burden to destroy me...and some of your burdens...really have nothing to do with me, and are none of my business.
10. Your opinion of me...also is none of my business.
11. My mama said, that if you have one or two REAL friends in a lifetime- you are blessed...she was right. (my mama was a genius...I wish she would have lived longer.)
12. If they did it to them...eventually, they will do it to me.
13. People can have the best intentions...but, your story is not mine. Your journey...is not mine...Your advice, is not one size fits all. Its important to know how to pray and hear from God for myself. Chew the hay, spit the sticks.
14. However, there is SAFETY in a MULTITUDE of GODLY counsel...I won't isolate, but will continue to seek out people that already are where I am trying to go. I will draw on their collective wisdom, and do whats best for me, and I feel in my spirit that I am supposed to do.
15. I will remember my lion, tiger and bear...many people don't know my complete story...they don't know what I've been through, and judge me based on what they see now...I won't ever forget my testimony...(or where I've come from/overcame) I will remind myself often of the goodness of God, who I am in Christ, and how much God loves me...(more than I could ever know)
16. Trouble don't last always. I never again will make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions or circumstances.
17. I will forgive myself...often. I'm not going to always get it right, and that's okay.
18. If I have a bad day...it's okay to stay in bed. It's okay to rest...It's okay to feel...It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to cry...It's okay to be weak... I give myself permission to grieve. I give myself permission to heal.
19. If someone keeps telling you over and over that "they will never hurt you..." when you never asked if they would...they will do just that...hurt you. Run! (like my bestie and I were talking about yesterday, that's equatable to someone saying out the blue... "You know, I will never cut your head off and put it in the freezer for a year..." yes...yes they will...and have thought about it in depth. RUN!)
20. I will listen more than I speak...people tell you EVERYTHING you need to know, if you just shut your face long enough to really LISTEN...femme la bouche!
21. Being humble or having humility...does not mean that you have to accept and suffer humiliation. It simply means that you don't toot your own horn, or push down the infirm, elderly and babies to be first. sideye* It means that you realize that without God, you can do and are NOTHING! Without God...I can do...and am...absolutely NOTHING!
22. Just because someone thinks and says that they have a word from God for you...doesn't mean that it's from God. With every word...there should be the confirmation of 2 or 3 witnesses.
2. Just because HE didn't see the value in me, doesn't make me without value.
3. Just because HE didn't find me beautiful, doesn't make me ugly.
4. Just because I forgive someone, doesn't mean that I have to like them, or allow them access to me.
5. If it hisses like a snake, moves like a snake, is cold like a snake...its a frikkin snake! I will never again try to convince myself that its a bunny, that's confused into thinking that its a snake! or even worse, that I can change a snake into a bunny...
6. I will always follow my spirit, my intuition, and hunches about people...I don't owe trust to anyone.
7. No one else has to value or believe in my dreams, goals, aspirations, visions, music, writing, or business ventures but me...either you get on the bus, or get out of the way...and you'll see the finished product with everyone else. (everybody wants to be a part of the success story...but, not part of the journey to it.)
8. If I don't like the way you treat me...you wont get a chance to do it again. I don't owe you an explanation either. Turning the other cheek does not mean that I have to stand there, and allow you to abuse me. Its okay to simply walk away.
9. To love you...doesn't mean that I love myself any less. And, I am not required to hurt myself to help you. I will help my brother carry his burden, should I feel led to...but, I will not allow your burden to destroy me...and some of your burdens...really have nothing to do with me, and are none of my business.
10. Your opinion of me...also is none of my business.
11. My mama said, that if you have one or two REAL friends in a lifetime- you are blessed...she was right. (my mama was a genius...I wish she would have lived longer.)
12. If they did it to them...eventually, they will do it to me.
13. People can have the best intentions...but, your story is not mine. Your journey...is not mine...Your advice, is not one size fits all. Its important to know how to pray and hear from God for myself. Chew the hay, spit the sticks.
14. However, there is SAFETY in a MULTITUDE of GODLY counsel...I won't isolate, but will continue to seek out people that already are where I am trying to go. I will draw on their collective wisdom, and do whats best for me, and I feel in my spirit that I am supposed to do.
15. I will remember my lion, tiger and bear...many people don't know my complete story...they don't know what I've been through, and judge me based on what they see now...I won't ever forget my testimony...(or where I've come from/overcame) I will remind myself often of the goodness of God, who I am in Christ, and how much God loves me...(more than I could ever know)
16. Trouble don't last always. I never again will make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions or circumstances.
17. I will forgive myself...often. I'm not going to always get it right, and that's okay.
18. If I have a bad day...it's okay to stay in bed. It's okay to rest...It's okay to feel...It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to cry...It's okay to be weak... I give myself permission to grieve. I give myself permission to heal.
19. If someone keeps telling you over and over that "they will never hurt you..." when you never asked if they would...they will do just that...hurt you. Run! (like my bestie and I were talking about yesterday, that's equatable to someone saying out the blue... "You know, I will never cut your head off and put it in the freezer for a year..." yes...yes they will...and have thought about it in depth. RUN!)
20. I will listen more than I speak...people tell you EVERYTHING you need to know, if you just shut your face long enough to really LISTEN...femme la bouche!
21. Being humble or having humility...does not mean that you have to accept and suffer humiliation. It simply means that you don't toot your own horn, or push down the infirm, elderly and babies to be first. sideye* It means that you realize that without God, you can do and are NOTHING! Without God...I can do...and am...absolutely NOTHING!
22. Just because someone thinks and says that they have a word from God for you...doesn't mean that it's from God. With every word...there should be the confirmation of 2 or 3 witnesses.
MAN! I've learned alot this year! 2016...I'm coming for you with a VENGEANCE! Sum'n like a BO$$! #imanewwoman #livingandlearning#Ilovemy30s #Iwasplumstupidinmy20s #feelinglikemyselfagain#thehealingprocess #divorcechronicles #snakesinthegrassiseeyou#ikeepmygrasscutlow #noworries #everydaysaholiday #ilovemylife#thefogislifting #Godiloveyou #Goditrustyou #happygirljj#althoughmypicdoesntlookhappy #butilookedlianOG #icouldntresist#dontjudgeme #nowwheresmyallergymeds #itchynose#ishouldastillwenttotheBahamastho #dang
The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,[a]
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord
Luke 4:18-19
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,[a]
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord
Luke 4:18-19
Comments
Post a Comment